Living with cancer: Evolving independence
July 6, 2009 by Deandra Trevino
Filed under Living with Cancer, Perspective
Independence is a word that insinuates many messages.
Children are independent of their parents when they no longer require help walking. As you grow older, independence means you live alone, not needing help in a nursing home.
I think independence is when you are self-sufficient, self-determined and victorious in making your dreams become a reality.
Growing up, I was always told how independent and determined I was to make a name for myself. This determination landed me my own salon by the age of 26. It was liberating signing the documents for the purchase. In a few months, my vision had become my reality.
Independence was a trait I valued until Independence Day of 2007, when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
How ironic.
At that point, what I had previously considered independent pulled a disappearing act, and I became quite the opposite. Dependent became my new role.
Having a chronic illness humbles you. You sadly realize how much you need your loved ones to complete your daily routine. When I was sick, I needed my mom to play nurse. When I didn’t have the energy to walk to my bed, I needed my fiancé to carry me.
One online dictionary defines independence as “freedom from control or influence of another or others.” This rings true to me because, although it was helpful to have the support of my family and friends, depression set in once I realized cancer was controlling my life.
It’s been almost two years since my diagnosis, and though with each day I gain a little more liveliness, there are still times I feel completely out of control. At these times I have to remind myself that misery doesn’t mix with a self-determined woman fighting for her life.
I have begun to realize that each time I made it to a chemo infusion, each time I laughed or enjoyed a simple day with family and friends, I was independently beating cancer. Every day is a gift.
— By Deandra Trevino
Trevino, of Boulder, was diagnosed with stage 3C ovarian cancer in July of 2007. Check out her online blog at www.carepages.com, and search “deandramtrevino.” Contact her at deandra.trevino@gmail.com.
I love her message that every little thing we do to take care of ourselves is a small step in the direction of independence. I was sorry to hear she passed away in July 2010. May she rest in peace.