What if… you have a stalker?
July 3, 2009 by mcasey
Filed under Inside You
When I was in high school, stalking was an almost unheard of crime that only happened to celebrities. It seemed you had to be rich, famous and fantasy-worthy.
Today the face of stalking has changed, and it reaches past social and class boundaries. Stalkers hunt college campuses, high school hallways, even boardrooms to find prey.
Stalking takes many forms, and may change as the obsession deepens or wanes.
The most familiar stalker is the predatory stalker, who tracks a victim to physically attack. These stalkers usually avoid direct contact until they “pounce,” preferring instead to survey their prey from the shadows.
Many celebrities deal with the intimacy seeker, who improperly believes that the target of affection is his or her soul mate. These stalkers send love letters and may become a rejected stalker, torn between reconciliation and revenge.
The morbidly infatuated believes the victim is actually in love with the stalker and needs psychological intervention to heal the delusion.
A resentful stalker has more interest in revenge than a relationship and blames others for causing bad things to happen. This person has frightening staying power and will often work to turn people, including law enforcement, against the victim.
The Internet further complicates stalking; it can be used to enhance the above activities or be its own independent category. A cyberstalker pretends to be someone else or uses electronic means to keep tabs. These people in relationships often use text messaging or IM as a method for keeping tabs. They also check car GPS units or gas usage and mileage to learn about a victim’s movements.
What to do if you suspect stalking
1 . Do not engage with the stalker. Don’t pick up the phone or ask him (or her) to stop texting you. A stalker wants contact, even if it’s negative. Don’t give him any fuel.
2. Reach out. Let people know you need help. If you feel your safety is threatened, report to the police, even if there’s little to say. Other resources include: the University of Colorado’s Office of Victim Assistance, MESA and the Safehouse.
3. Tell others what is going on. Let neighbors, coworkers and friends know. Even though we’ve become an insular society, our safety is increased when we have people watching our backs — in a good way, not the creepy stalker way.
4. Track what’s happened. Write down every incident, take pictures, get witness statements, and note any details you can remember.
5. Evaluate what changes you can make to increase your feeling of safety. Can you change your locks, take self-defense courses, move, vary your routine or get a roommate? These decisions are personal, so take the time to make the decision that works best for you.
On the Web
www.movingtoendsexualassault.org
www.bouldercountysafehouse.org
By the numbers
1 in 12 women will be stalked in their lifetime.
1.8 years is the average duration of stalking.
77 percent of female victims know their stalkers.
87 percent of stalkers are men.
Source: www.ncvc.org.
Mary Ji-Aitoshi Casey II is a third-degree black belt, Deshi and owner of the Boulder Quest Center. Send her your safety questions at mary@boulderquest.com.
