Sullivan

January weight update: Shh, it’s top secret.

January’s lesson: One thing became very clear as I worked hard to navigate the holiday season food-fest: the numbers have become an obsession for me. Somewhere along the way, the act of reporting on my weight to the general public became more important to me than the weight loss itself. How weird is that?

Instead of focusing on exercise, healthy eating and behavior changes, I began to kneel before the mighty scale and overreact to each and every movement of the dial. And the worst thing is that emotional eaters like me can turn any scenario into an excuse to eat. The number is low. That’s great! I can reward myself with a treat! The number is high. I’m a failure. Perhaps I should have a snack to boost my spirits! Sigh.

February’s obstacle: My evil publicist and sister, Trish, took my scale away. She’s convinced that stepping on it 20-plus times a day is OCD. Can you believe that? So, my challenge this month is to work on eating healthy, maintaining my exercise regimen and creating positive attitudes toward food without knowing my weight. That may seem easy to some of you, but for me it will be like climbing a mountain blindfolded.

Reader’s challenge: Ask yourself why. Why do you want to lose weight? What are your motivators for exercising more? What is the payoff for eating better? Don’t fall into my trap of letting the tail wag the dog and allowing a distant goal to be the sole measure of success. Dig down to the real reasons to make a profound change in your behaviors — and then trust that shifting your attitudes and actions will naturally lead to the end result you want.

December weight update: 222 pounds

Total weight lost to date: 53 pounds

December’s lesson: I finally passed the 50-pound mark, so I’m more than halfway to my ultimate weight goal. Can I hear a collective “Woo-hoo!” The best news: This month I’ve really moved beyond some of the emotional issues and tough lifestyle changes that were painful in the beginning of my physical transformation. It’s still not easy, and there’s always more I can learn and improve, but this whole “healthy habits” thing is truly becoming my new way of life. I feel like I’ve crossed over some invisible threshold of wellness, and I’ll never go back to the way I was before. That feels fantastic!

January’s obstacle: I love Christmas. Not just a little bit, but to the point of probably needing some type of therapy. Once the music stops, the decorations come down, and the gloss wears off the gifts I’m prone to slip into “post-Christmas depression.”

Not this year. I’m not going to let the cold weather trap me inside — and I’m committed to facing the winter months by continuing my routine of healthy eating and regular exercise.

Reader’s challenge: New Year’s resolutions. Every year Americans make them, and every year 99.9 percent of us break them (yes, I just made up that statistic!). This will be the first year in a long time that I won’t make a new resolution to lose weight in the coming year. I’m already doing it. I hope that this January, instead of a temporary crash diet or gym membership you won’t use, you’ll really pledge to change your entire life for the better — permanently.

December weight update: 227

Total weight lost to date: 47 pounds

November’s lesson: As you can see from my lack luster weight loss (5 pounds), this month was hard for me. Although I’m almost halfway to my goal, I’m only now beginning to really tackle the emotional issues that drive my food addiction. Cycles of overeating followed by starving myself sabotage my efforts, so shifting these behaviors will be critical in the long run.

I’ve had to take a fresh look at when, why and what I eat and try to find balance. I’m realizing that my need to be on the “perfect” diet with no bad days has lead to fluctuations between bingeing and deprivation. Until I deal with the real issues that lead me to overeat, any weight loss I achieve will only be temporary. In essence, I am redefining my relationship with food; learning to eat foods I love in moderation and not feel guilty about enjoying them.

This process is far slower than I hoped it would be, but getting to the root of my weight problem is worth the effort, and will pave the way for a healthy happy life long-term.

December’s obstacle: This Christmas I’ll be changing my family’s holiday traditions from a two-week contest to see who can fit the most cookies in their mouth to celebrating the real meaning of the season. I’ll be passing on more to my children than just a bunch of recipes: a new way to look at life.

Reader’s challenge: In America, we tend to turn every occasion into a “food fest.” Socializing, holidays and celebrations are all inextricably linked to eating, and that makes November and December a collective period of weight gain for the entire nation. This year I’d like you to ask yourself, “How can I celebrate without overeating?” And if you’re a parent, “What traditions am I passing on to my children?” Will your holiday season revolve around food — or something more profound?

Weight update: 232 pounds
Total weight lost to date: 42 pounds
October’s lesson: After a tough September, October is all about getting back on track. It’s too easy to live in the past focusing on my mistakes or to daydream about future glories. The present is where all the hard work is done.

Photo by Regina Mountjoy

Living in today sounds easy, but is an awfully hard thing to do. It means dealing with emotions that I once pushed away or covered up with food. This huge life change I’m undertaking is really about making hundreds of little good decisions each day.

Do I park right near the store or far away for a little extra walk? Do I drink that glass of wine or have water instead? The choice I make right now is the one that determines my future.

November’s obstacle: THANKSGIVING! Turkey, pie and all those glorious side dishes — yum! My obstacle this month will surely be enjoying a holiday with my family without a mouthful of pumpkin pie or an overdose of stuffing. This Thanksgiving is truly going to be about giving thanks and not about how many platters of food can I fit on the table. Taking each emotion that comes, focusing on the authentic meaning of the day, and not overwhelming my senses with an insurmountable wall of temptation will be a completely new experience for me.

Reader’s challenge: Join me in giving thanks with your heart and not your mouth. Whatever hurdles you may face this month — money, relationships, your job, your house, your waistline — here in Boulder we all have a lot to be thankful for. I hope that by taking time to reflect on your blessings and appreciate what you have, you can avoid the trap of turning Thanksgiving into a “food-fest” rather than a “thank-fest.”

In the past I would have probably given up, but thanks to the unending encouragement of Nicole Irlbeck, my personal trainer, and her ruthless focus on the mental battle of weight loss, I was able to persevere through a very tough time and again enjoy seeing the pounds melt away. Even better, I’m winning the internal war against my food demons and ending my life-long cycle of emotional eating and self-criticism.

October’s obstacle: One of the big things I’m working on now is learning to be kinder to myself when I succumb to the allure of a treat. The old Sara would allow one small failure to spiral out of control into a guilt-fest and several days of splurging — because, what the heck, I’d already messed up. Now I understand that having a treat is OK as long as it doesn’t lead to a guilt trip or an extended period of emotional eating.

Reader’s challenge: See yourself in a new positive light. No matter how your body looks today, you can move toward a brighter future and a more confident self-image by embracing your struggles and challenges, relishing your strengths and accepting your body. The next time someone pays you a compliment, don’t negate it with self-deprecating humor. Let the admiration sink in and take it to heart.

For more information about Sullivan’s journey, visit www.seesarashrink.com for blog posts, giveaways and more.